Minding Manners and Methods
by Dobby's Socks
Summary: An average day takes an odd turn when Barry's abilities start acting up against his will. Features the whole S.T.A.R. labs team and the Wests, mentions of Iris/Eddie, one-sided Barry/Iris, and plenty of paternal!Joe. No major spoilers, set anywhere between episodes 2 and 5. Enjoy!


**So it seems kind of silly to be writing about a show that's not even halfway through its first season. I can't help it, though, the characters just kind of grab you and get into your head. So you might see more of these little oneshot things depending on how much time I have. I don't plan on major spoilers yet, and this was obviously written before tonight's episode. Enjoy!**

**Dobby's Polka-Dotted Sock**

**Minding Manners and Methods**

Barry Allen hummed along to the radio as he tucked into a Big Belly Burger with gusto. Only his fifth meal of the day; things were pretty slow. He'd already completed all his work at the crime lab—being your own centrifuge was a real time-saver. Aside from some early morning extracurricular activities on the way to work and a minor incident during his first lunch break, The Flash—because he could totally refer to himself in the third person in his own mind without it being weird no matter what Joe said—had had little to do as well. He was planning on heading to S.T.A.R. labs later, as he'd told them he couldn't make it until the afternoon. Though in the moment he couldn't remember for the life of him why…

An incredibly familiar and lovely laugh echoed up to his lab from the main floor of the precinct—it caused his heart to stutter, or was it really just speeding up even more?—and he suddenly remembered, but Barry darted to the railing to confirm it with his own eyes: Iris. Right now she was with her boyfriend—he ignored the painful clench of his stomach at that thought—laughing at something no doubt charming and hilarious that Eddie had said, but that wasn't actually why she was here. Not this time. She was here to see him.

Right, they had a lunch date—which wasn't really a date, especially considering the aforementioned Eddie, but more of a lunch…together. Just as best friends. But it was still lunch with Iris.

The smile on Barry's face at this had only a moment to live, because then he glanced back at his desk where the half-eaten burger sat. Oh no. Iris would think he'd forgotten, _again_, and then she'd be upset and he'd have to apologize, _again_, when everything would just be so much simpler if she only knew. Unless…

Checking his surroundings to find that he'd remained unnoticed at his post, Barry rushed back to the desk at his personal best speed, downed the burger and the large drink he'd gotten with it in almost a mere gulp, buried the contents in amongst the rest of his trash, popped a stick of gum in his mouth that he rapidly chewed and then spat out again, and finally dropped into the seat in front of his computer.

Time caught back up with him, and he heard Iris' footsteps on the stairs. She'd only just started her climb up. Barry grinned all over again.

He still was, if not even more so, at the sight of her when she walked into his lab, and she raised an eyebrow. "What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Just happy to see you," he told her the honest truth, which she read at the face value of the best friend label he'd been assigned in her mind. It didn't feel so bad though when she smiled back, even as she shook her head.

"Wish I could share your optimism. It's the barely the middle of the week, I've got work tonight, and a paper due tomorrow morning." She dragged her heels in an exaggerated way designed to make him chuckle at her antics as she drew up to his desk.

"Do you need help on the paper?" He offered.

"Thanks, but no," she replied. "I can't always take advantage of you. You're too sweet, Barry."

His tongue felt tied up in knots at the compliment. What should he say? It didn't feel like being taken advantage of? He wouldn't mind if she did? If he was more suave—read: Oliver Queen—this was probably the part where he'd suggest they could come to some arrangement.

Iris fortunately saved him from making an idiot of himself by continuing, "Right now, I just want lunch with my best friend. Ready to go?"

He was up out of the chair in one jump and ducked around her to grab his jacket, managing to keep to an average momentum. He couldn't help the excitement that bubbled up in him, though; they hadn't had much time to spend together, what with her work and school and _Eddie_ and his new commitments that he'd sworn not to tell her about. It'd be nice just to sit down the two of them like it always had been.

But as he pulled his arms through the sleeves a sharp pain in his chest had Barry giving an involuntary lurch as his breath seemed to catch in his throat, culminating in a shrill sort of chirp that he wouldn't have ordinarily believed could come from his own mouth. "_HIC!_"

Barry slapped a hand over his mouth, head turning and eyes flying in fear and almost horror to Iris' face. But all she was doing was eyeing his hand somewhat curiously. The whole thing must have been too fast for her to catch. He dropped his hand sheepishly, shuffling nervously in place as he finished putting on his jacket. He shut his locker and stepped around to grab his bag when it happened again, that _lurch_ and "_HIC!_"

At her gasp, he knew she must have noticed this time for sure, but then his ears picked it up; the tinkling sound of broken glass hitting the pavement outside. And what he was seeing in front of him…

"Barry, your window!" Iris hurried around to the glass pane, where a small little circle was now missing, spider web cracks spreading from that hole outward. Once more he raised a hand to his mouth, but this time it was almost trembling. Had _he_ done that?

Chancing a glance back to his locker where he now noticed a dent in the metal at about mouth-height, he thought he might be able to confirm the hypothesis.

"How did that—" Iris was still marveling at the—to her mind—sudden and inexplicably broken window, but then drew back sharply. "Do you think we should get down? Get away from it?"

"Uh—" She was back in front of him so fast he would have sworn _she_ was the one with super-speed, pressing down on his shoulders to make him crouch with her behind his lab table. "Maybe? Probably be best to keep away." _From me!_ He wanted to add, even as he felt another spasm. Barry whirled away from her and thought about trying to muffle it—but what would that do to his hand? Best not.—and the table leg got a new dent with the accompanying "_HIC!_"

He was facing her before she could notice, trying to catch what she was saying. "—shattered outward."

"What?" He asked and she rolled her eyes at him, though not unkindly.

"The glass, Barry. It fell _outside_. So that means it was something in here that did it, right? Mr. Forensic Scientist?" She prompted when he didn't immediately reply.

He'd been hoping she wouldn't notice that. But she was too smart not to.

So he forced his grimace into some sort of impressed look, nodding once. "Yeah. Must be some piece of equipment malfunctioning—they're kind of old."

She was looking at him a bit strangely now. "Should you be working with them, then? Barry you're in here all the time, what if it 'malfunctions' or whatever and hits you?" He didn't have a ready lie to further extend his already lame enough lie and remained silent. Iris afforded him a fond if pitying smile and reached out a hand to cup his cheek. Barry sucked in a breath as she remarked, "You may be my favorite nerdy genius, but you've really got to find yourself someone who can handle all the common sense for you."

He let out a shaky laugh as she let go, which triggered another "_HIC!_" and when he turned back around she was crawling on hands and knees to the door. Barry tried not to watch. "Where are you going?"

"Getting Eddie. We've got to make sure this place is safe to be in."

Now he was scrambling—slowly, from his perspective—on all fours after her. "Uh, that's ok. You don't have to. I'll just go talk to Joe about it."

"You sure? What about lunch?" They were side by side by side now, and she turned to look at him.

He practically had to force the next words out. "Well…maybe you do need to get Eddie. We can always go some other time." It was the best way to ensure neither of the pair was around to keep looking into things, even he had to grudgingly admit.

If Iris heard any of the bitterness or disappointment in his tone, she didn't acknowledge it, instead, bumping his shoulder lightly. "Ok." Then with an impish grin that was infectious, she added, "Race you to the door!"

If she only knew how badly she could lose.

But Barry simply kept pace with her as their palms slapped and knees bumped against the flooring. They were each trying and failing not to laugh, which unfortunately only triggered another round of "_HIC_"s for Barry. He wasn't even trying to speed through them, it just sort of happened! At least it kept Iris from noticing.

When they reached the hall Barry jumped easily to his feet, giving Iris his hands to grab onto. She smiled up at him turned the hand-holding into a brief hug once standing. "Thanks, Barry. Good luck with the lab!"

"Yeah. Have—_HIC!_—fun." She was already well down the stairs and he finally allowed a frustrated scowl to cross his face. "What is _wrong_ with me?" But he went to do as he'd told Iris he would: get Joe.

The detective was fortunately at his desk perusing some file, so Barry walked right up to his side. "Joe, can we talk?"

The cop looked up with some bewilderment; they'd just had a chat this morning and it had been a relatively quiet day. But he seemed to read some of the distress on Barry's face for he set aside the file and nodded. "Alright." He let Barry lead them as far as the parking lot before asking, "What's on your mind?"

"I need to go to S.T.A.R. labs," he stated.

Joe now looked somewhat amused. "Well fine, son, but you don't need my permission. You'd probably be there and back before I knew anything about it."

Barry shook his head. "I'm not sure I should be running right now. There's something—off." He shook his head, realizing he was doing a poor job explaining it. But he thought he felt another one coming on. "Just—just watch right there," he instructed, pointing to a blank stretch of sidewalk. Joe did as asked, though not without raising a skeptical eyebrow.

But his eyes were widening in shock a moment and one "_HIC!_" later when a chip appeared in the concrete.

"How did—" He stopped and looked up, pointing at first Barry, then the chip. "Did you do that?"

Barry could only nod miserably. "I'm not trying to, it just started!"

"And you're worried that speeding might make it worse." Barry nodded again. Joe gave one of his well-worn sighs, like he'd simply knocked over the milk or tracked mud in the house, and then jerked a thumb in the direction of his car. "Alright, get in."

As the older man started the engine Barry commented, "I should probably roll down my window. Don't want to break any more CCPD property."

Joe shot him an incredulous look. "You're kidding."

OoO

At S.T.A.R. labs, Cisco was far more impressed. "We've _got_ to see this. Hang on, I bet we have some glass panes lying around somewhere."

Barry fought down a smile at his friend's usual enthusiasm and turned to the more professional of the pair. "Do you think you can stop it, Caitlin?"

"And how are you going to treat something most of us can't even see until it's happened?" Joe pointed out.

"Well it'll help to know just what we're dealing with. Describe your symptoms again, Barry."

"He said—weird supersonic glass-powers!" Cisco said, returning with what were indeed glass panes under his arm.

Caitlin rolled her eyes even as her colleague started setting them up in front of him. "I mean what's actually happening to him. Do you know when it's going to happen, does any sort of pain or other indication occur beforehand?"

"Yeah," he answered. "Like here in my chest or maybe a little below. It's not anything serious, but it just kind of twinges and—" As if acting like a helpful reminder he felt it again. "_HIC!_" One of Cisco's glass panes shattered.

"Awesome!" Cisco exclaimed with a laugh, taking a picture and then scribbling down some notes. Caitlin shook her head.

"Incredible. What were you doing when it started?"

He shrugged. "I was talking to Iris. We were supposed to be going to lunch."

"Didn't you go out for a burger an hour ago?" Joe pointed out.

Barry simply gave a sheepish grin. "I get hungry. I was just finishing the burger before Iris showed up."

"You know what they say about eating too fast," spoke a familiar voice in the doorway. Dr. Wells wheeled fully into the room with his usual crooked smile. He tilted his head inquisitively and asked, "You wouldn't have happened to be doing that at an accelerated pace, would you have Barry?"

"Well, yeah. Why?" He glanced suspiciously between Dr. Wells and Caitlin, as the two were now sharing a significant look.

Caitlin still seemed a little uncertain, though. "Dr. Wells, you don't mean—"

"I do indeed, Caitlin." He allowed an easy smile to grace his features now as he continued, "Barry, you have nothing to worry about. You're just suffering from a case of the hiccups."

"_HIC!_" Another broken glass pane. Barry gaped. "What?"

Cisco, looked just as shocked for a moment before grinning. "Supersonic hiccups? That is too cool."

For once, Barry found himself in disagreement. "No, that is not cool. They're just hiccups?" He'd entertained the idea very briefly, as the symptoms did match up to some extent, though far more extreme. "But I'm breaking things! I can't do anything—at the crime lab or for the city—when I'm like this!"

Joe, who had been just as dumbfounded by the revelation as all the others, stepped forward and gestured to Cisco's ongoing experiment. "How exactly is he doing that with hiccups?"

"Well the broken glass and the like is probably due to the resulting exhale afterward," Dr. Wells explained. "It's a concentrated burst of air traveling very fast. Like an accidental air-rifle. It's interesting that your body is instinctively speeding up the phenomenon, and that's something we might have to work on later. But it'll be fine, no one's saying it's permanent. If these really are hiccups then they can be cured." The wheelchair-bound man said all this with a calm, steady gaze, helping Barry to relax as always. With a little satisfied nod, Dr. Wells now addressed the room at large. "So then, anybody know any good home remedies?"

"Alright—Caitlin, get a glass of water! Barry, hold your breath," Cisco instructed, seeming to delight just as much in this new task.

"You could get it yourself," the doctor stated, but nevertheless marched to the door. "And he should be taking slow, deep breaths."

When Barry physically jumped forward with the force of having kept the next hiccup contained, the men all wordlessly agreed she'd been right, and Caitlin looked slightly smug upon returning to find him drawing in big gulps of air.

"A bit slower, Barry," Dr. Wells cautioned.

"This _is_ slow," he retorted. More contritely, especially under Joe's reproving frown, he added, "Sorry."

Dr. Wells held up a hand to wave off the apology. "That's alright. This is a lot harder for you than it would be for one of us. But…it does seem to be working."

Barry perked up at that. "You think?" But a moment later he felt that twinge, and then "_HIC!_" The others all jumped at the sound of Cisco's last piece of glass breaking.

"That is a really cool shatter-pattern," the scientist himself commented, perhaps as a joke. But Barry wasn't much in the mood.

Instead he groaned. "This is ridiculous! How do we even know normal remedies are going to work?"

"Barry! Behind—" Cisco's eyes had suddenly widened in terror and so he whirled around to see—nothing.

"There's nothing there," he intoned flatly, facing forward once again.

"—you!" His friend finished, then dropped his fearful expression. "Wait, how did you know?"

"Because I just checked!"

"Oh. That's going to make scaring you problematic." Cisco now looked rather sheepish as Caitlin put a hand to her face and Barry gave another groan.

He felt a warm, reassuring weight on his shoulder as Joe placed his hand there. "You know, you used to get the hiccups all the time when you were a kid, and the normal methods didn't really work then either."

"Then what did you do?" Caitlin questioned, clearly curious, but Barry's eyes widened and he moved to get away from the older man. Years of being a cop and a father seemed to work in Joe's advantage, however. The man's grip was strong!

"Oh, nothing special."

"No, come on Joe—"

"Barry." It was that tone the detective used that brokered no argument. He'd never been very good at listening to it, and now was no exception.

"It's embarrassing."

"You're among friends here, Barry," Dr. Wells spoke up. "We just want to help you."

"You're not going to laugh?" It probably sounded pathetic, but Barry didn't have very many friends. He didn't relish the idea of making a fool out of himself in front of the majority of them.

Cisco's lips twitched once, but he nodded. "Promise."

When his gaze landed on Caitlin, the woman arched a single thin brow. "Me, laugh?"

She had a point there. So Barry turned back to Joe and squared his shoulders, tempted even to screw his eyes shut.

"This is really that bad?" The man pretty much raised him asked.

Barry just looked at him. "You have to ask?" It was ruined somewhat by another "_HIC!_" which further shattered one of the already broken glass pieces.

"What did you do, detective?" Caitlin prompted, effectively taking the decision right out of his hands. Like usual, really.

"Well," Joe said, taking a couple steps forward. He could always dart around him, but that would only delay the inevitable and it was getting to the point where he just wanted these hiccups gone. "I'd just wrap Barry up in a _big_ bear hug," he said, doing so at the same time.

Barry rolled his eyes; of course Joe was now making this purposefully humiliating. He wasn't lying about it being a bear hug, though, and there came the steady rhythm of the man patting his back. Barry did his best to just relax and he dimly realized his breathing had almost automatically evened out, like it always had when he was a kid. How had Joe even known back then?

Almost as if in answer to his unspoken thoughts, he heard the low murmur against his ear, "Your mom said that she did this for you, one time when I went out with her and your father. Said it always worked."

And suddenly Barry was holding onto the man just as tight.

"There, there," Joe continued in low, soft voice, the kind that only he and Iris knew the cop had. He was still patting and rubbing circles on Barry's back. "Just let it out."

He did. One small, tiny, "_Hic!_"

"We heard that one," Cisco helpfully pointed out, which reminded Barry the others were there all over again. He did his best to ignore it for the time being.

"Indeed. It seems everything internally has calmed down. Good work, Detective West," Dr. Wells complimented. "Barry, I think it's safe to say you're cured."

With a final squeeze, Joe let him go and Barry made a show of rolling his shoulders and stretching. When the cop fixed him with a look, though, he said, "Thanks."

"Anytime."

"To avoid this in the future, you're going to have to remember to eat at a normal pace. Normal relative to other humans," Caitlin recommended, cutting like usual through any of the sap.

"Or," Cisco drew out, "You could ignore that and have awesome supersonic hiccup powers. Are we forgetting this?" He waved a hand at all the glass on the floor.

Spotting a broom and dustpan in the corner, Barry sped over to it and had the glass swept up and in the trash in a matter of seconds. "I like what I already have. Speaking of, anything going on right now? I finished all my work at the crime lab and cancelled my lunch plans."

"Let me check." The other man went to the computers. "Nope. Oh wait—alarms just went off at a Jared's on 5th and Park Avenue. You could check that out."

"Well that's me leaving," Joe remarked, starting for the door. "Think I might see you around?" He'd asked it over his shoulder and looked surprised when he looked frontwards again to see Barry standing there in his suit.

He couldn't help the somewhat smug grin as he replied, "Probably not." And he sped off, not needing to wait around to know that Joe was likely shaking his head with a smile.

OoO

Iris let herself in the front door and was surprised to hear voices coming from the dining room. Her dad's voice was to be expected, but it seemed they had a guest. A familiar-sounding guest. Her suspicions were confirmed upon entering the room.

"Barry! What're you doing here?" He looked up with one of his usual smiles for her, but it was her dad that answered.

"I invited him. Wanted to make sure he was eating properly." His lips twitched a little as he said it, like there was something inherently funny about what he'd just said. Barry didn't seem to appreciate it much, judging by the brief frown he sent the man's way.

But Iris found herself laughing instead, "Trust me, Daddy, Barry eats plenty. It's not fair how much he gets to eat and still look handsome. Adorable science-geeky handsome," she added, dropping into the seat across from him. "Teach me your ways."

Barry ducked his head, chuckling as she began making up her own plate for dinner. "I don't have ways." He looked up, and in that completely open, genuine way stated, "And you've got nothing to worry about."

Iris smiled warmly at him. "What did I do to deserve you? Seriously, no one has a better best friend than me." He seemed pleased enough with that, or at least wasn't objecting as he returned to his food. She looked to her left at her dad. "So how was work? Did you have to check out whatever was happening at the Jared's? Eddie, uh, got called down," she explained at his raised eyebrow.

"Uh-huh," her father stated, but at least he didn't look murderous anymore when she mentioned her boyfriend. He even chose to answer her questions. "Yeah, I did. Nothing was stolen, though, and the thieves were already apprehended by the time we got there. All tied up and everything for us."

Judging by his tone and how he was occupying himself by looking at Barry to avoid her gaze, Iris felt a burst of excitement. "It was the Streak, wasn't it? He was there?"

Her dad snapped his gaze back to her and replied in a perfectly evasive way, "Who says 'the Streak' is a he, or even real?"

At the same time, Barry asked in a plaintive way, "Is he really called 'the Streak'?" When Iris and her father both stared at him, he muttered, "Right, not the important part," and began spooning more potatoes onto his plate.

She shook her head with a smile. "It's what people are calling him online, Barry. But I guess Daddy's not going to tell us anymore." She shot a pointed look at the head of the table which was ignored. "I'm glad you stopped by, though. Did you get everything fixed at the lab?"

Barry swallowed down a rather large mouthful and nodded. "Uh, yeah. Everything's working fine now. I needed a new window anyway, it was getting drafty—not that the CCPD has bad accommodations," he was entering the babbling stage as he shot an apologetic look her father's way. He then managed to put an end to it himself for once by spearing some mixed vegetables on his fork and biting down on them.

"Don't eat so fast," her dad admonished. Barry stiffened.

Iris huffed. "Daddy, Barry's an adult, you don't need to tell him how to eat."

"Somebody has to," her father argued, quite stubbornly in her opinion. But she was taken aback when Barry gave a snort and first he then her father started laughing.

Iris shook her head. And people said girls were hard to understand. But she wouldn't have these two any other way.

**So yeah. This ended up a lot longer than I intended, but I wanted to get a feel for most of the primary cast (except Eddie, he can just kind of hang out on the side). I hope everyone sounded in character cause I kind of like writing for them. I have a few more ideas for things already and I'm excited to see how the first season goes. Thanks for reading, and please review!**


End file.
